


Oh The Humanity!

by TRMGee



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, DirkJake Week, God of Exploration - Jake, God of Soul Passage - Dirk, Gods talking about Death, M/M, dont worry they get wholesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28630611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TRMGee/pseuds/TRMGee
Summary: While seated atop his throne, overlooking the passages of mortal souls, Dirk began to think about humans and how useless they could be. Short live spans, minimal impacts, what was the point of their existence. Perplexed by this problem, he calls upon the help of Jake, the God of exploration and quite the enthusiast of humanity, to debate with him about the uses of these creatures.Turns out there are a few other things they should discuss as well.
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13
Collections: DirkJake Big Bang 2k21





	Oh The Humanity!

**Author's Note:**

> Content/Trigger Warnings for this Fic:
> 
> Discussion about death, life, and the use of humans, minor depiction of war.

Dirk stares out at the world from his high perch, bored. He was supposed to watch over the human souls, make sure they get to their final destinations once their time is up. After the first few centuries though, Dirk found himself getting bored of this. He’d made splinters to go and oversee the passage of souls, but that just meant he didn’t have to do his job that often.

Ugh, humans. Their time was so short while alive, their expiration dates coming and going before Dirk could even blink. He’d been here for centuries, watching them run themselves into the ground, yet never found enjoyment in them. 

There was one other who found enjoyment in the humans though. Dirk leans back on his throne, the misty floor of his throne room shimmering. Oh, the god of exploration, man of the outdoors, the only reason Dirk had not yet gone completely insane. Orange eyes scan the world below him, searching for the spirit of his long time friend and companion. 

A green flash snatches up his search. A streak of greens, golds, and browns running through a tree line, and the familiar laughter Dirk had slowly fallen in love with. The floor bends to his will, bringing the illusion of the world closer and zooming in on the adventurer’s path. A smile spreads across his face, slowly, as he catches sight of Jake English, his opposite.

He was dawned in his usual get up, human clothes built for adventuring, with his little twists he always added: a wreath of gold wrapped up in his curly hair, a green-encrusted skull necklace hanging around his neck, and his long rosewood staff, intertwined with flowers and vines, strapped to his back.

The longer Dirk stares at this man, the more familiar traits he sees. A scar running up his cheek from a sparring accident 2 decades ago, those black curls that Jake could never quite tame properly, his freckles dusting his face oh so gently, the fint scruff of his jawline, little flakes of gold hidden in his eyes, the slight roughness of his lips…

Dirk shakes his head. Woah there Strider, easy with the staring. This was a check in, not a sonnet on how you’d wish to bed this stunning, very well built man. Dirk makes himself look away from the mist, getting himself back on topic. What was he thinking about earlier? Humans are useless, right, and Jake liked humans. That could be an interesting conversation.

 _“English!”_ Dirk calls down into the mist, his voice reaching briefly into the mortal realm. Jake looks around, then smiles. 

“Ah Dirk! Hello!” Dirk lets out an amused hum as the explorer turns in circles, looking for the source of his voice. “Where exactly are you? I’d like to see your charming face while we talk.” 

_“I’m not there, Jake, I’m still on my throne.”_ Dirk explains, resting his chin on his hand. Jake nods, stopping his spinning. 

“I see, noted. Any reason you’ve poked my divine attention? Something the matter? Unless…” Jake’s eyes sparkle. “You’ve decided to finally join me on an expedition?!?” 

Dirk laughs, shaking his head as Jake pouts up at nothing. “ _No, not today, though perhaps I’ll join you soon. I actually wanted to have a talk about something that’s been on my mind recently.”_

“Oh, well then D, I’d be happy to discuss whatever you’d like. Mind if I pop over to you then?” Jake finds the point where Dirk is watching from, tilting his head to the small misty eye.

 _“Hm, I suppose that would be alright. Hop on over, English.”_ Dirk says, waving his hand over the floor. The mist condenses and hovers up into the ceiling, out of sight and out of the way. A warm breeze blows through the hall of the throne room, whipping around columns and pushing against tapestries. Dirk straightens up on his throne as the breeze forms in the middle, green shimmering in the vortex. There's an outward bust of wind, and there stands Jake, in all his glory, small.

Dirk holds down a laugh as Jake dusts himself off. He always forgot how short Jake was. Rising off his throne, he heads over to greet his friend.   
  
“It’s good to see you again English.” Dirk says pleasantly, offering his hand out to him. Jake takes it and pulls him into a hug.

“Doofus, it’s been too long.” Jake mutters into his chest. Dirk blinks, then envelopes Jake into the hug.

“Yeah, too long.” They hold the hug for almost too long, long enough for Dirk to question if this was ‘normal’ length for a hug. Jake pulls back and beams a smile up at him. 

“Anywho, what did you want to talk about?” Jake inquires, looking around the throne room. Dirk was confused for a moment. Why had he wanted Jake here again? Humans, right! 

“I had a thought, and I wanted to hear your opinions on this.” Dirk waves his hand, the mist descending from the ceiling and spreading out into a dish. “It’s about these humans you keep meeting. Not anyone specifically, just humans in general. They have been,,,” He couldn’t place the word for a moment.

They did not interest him, in fact he’d taken little to no interest in them during his work. They certainly did not excite him, instead making him more tired. What was the word…

“A point of interest, I guess.” Nice going idiot, he looped back to interest. Though the excitement from his companion told him that maybe that wasn’t the worst choice of words.

“Oh? Have you finally started to look into their cultures and lifestyles?” Jake prods his friend’s side, flashing a cheeky grin up at him. “Finally found their unique _flavor?_ ”

“First, please do not imply the humans have different tastes because we do not need a resurgence of human sacrifices.” They both get a chuckle with that one. “Secondly, no, I’ve more so been looking into their functionality. Like, what they accomplish, how long they last, the things you find…” Dirk looks Jake up and down. “Terribly boring.”

Dirk watches Jake visibly deflate a little. He already knows what Dirk was going to say, it seems. Pity.

“Oh. Well!” He springs back into his cheerful mood. “I could make do with this topic, I suppose.” The floor under him cracks and vines come up, twisting and tightening into a chair. He plops back into the makeshift seat, swinging his legs. Dirk’s jaw clenched as he watched the stones under the vines crack. He’d fix them later, but oh did something twist inside of him. How dare he break these beautiful stones, these intricate tiles… the thought made him shiver. Such recklessness.

The Mist Disk begins to shimmer, and a vision begins to appear. The first view Dirk summons is one of a town, with walls high and mighty, in the day. “What do you see here Jake?” He says, tilting the disk towards his companion. “Your first impression of this image?”

Jake tilts his eyes, eyes searching the image from behind his glasses. “Hm, well, chap, I see a lovely city, with some impressive walls I might add. Why? What’s so wrong with this quaint city?”

With a wave of his hand, the image changed, the walls crumbling and fires erupting inside. It was utter chaos. “Now, what do you see?”

“Good gods, What happened to make this so wonky!? It’s horrible!”

Dirk sets the mist aside. “That was the first thing that interested me. If humans are so interesting and smart, why do things such as this happen? At this point they should be aware that war and fighting is much less beneficial than working together, as they had once before. But instead, they fight and pillage and kill each other over the most inconsequential things.” He looks at the city, burning, and scoffs. “So temperamental, and they make my job so much more difficult when the battle.”

There's a beat of silence as Jake processes all this, staring blankly at the mist. Dirk could almost see the gears turning in the god’s head as he took in each bit of information, forcing it through interpretations and formulating a response. 

Finally, after what felt like decades of silence (which it might have been. Time was strange in the throne room), Jake clears his throat, fixing his spectacles. He’d finally prepared his rebuttal.

“While you do make some marvelous points there, there are some more nuanced points you have missed.” Jake waves to the mist, and the disk hovers over to him. 

Dirk could not believe this betrayal. His mist, so easily swayed by just a wave of Jake’s hand. To be fair, Dirk would be the same way. A wave, or even a breath in his direction and he’d bend to Jake’s will. But that’s how friends were, right? 

“And what exactly have I missed, English?” Dirk questions as Jake formulates a scene, two men standing in a large war room, discussing various topics.

“A story is not as black and white as two groups fighting, dear boy. Let’s see here, ah there’s the issue.” Jake reaches into the mist, pulling out a map, the image shimmering in his hands. “They could not decide who deserved this land between their cities! What a silly issue, no? But both seemed to have ties to it, see here, the aggressor saw this as a birthright, it belonged to them. However, the other city thought this land was theirs based on myth and legend.” Jake explained, drawing two circles into the map.

“Who was the right one then?” Dirk questions, looking at the designated land.

“In all honesty, neither! This land belonged to the natives of that area, a small group of nomads who had just settled there!” Jake chuckles softly. “Isn’t that just so intriguing? A fight over something that neither could obtain.”

This further confused Dirk. How could humans do something like this, yet Jake still be so interested in them? “I still don’t see the enjoyment in this.” He states, waving for the mist to dissipate, sighing once it was gone.

“Hm, how about this. You’ve given one of your points, how about I give you one of mine?” Jake suggests while standing up. The vines seep back into the floor, the tiles reforming under him (perfect).

“Sure, Show me your point.” Dirk finally conceded, waving his hand. His outfit shimmered, shifting to his less godly attire. Though, he kept some form of his divinity in his outfit, a silver crescent wrapping into his hair. Both gods summon their staffs, Jake’s hovering into his Hand, Dirk’s forming from the mist. While Jake’s staff was more earthy and colorful, Dirk’s resembled more of a darker ideal. Tall, dark serendibite, formed around a coil of black opal stretching the length of the staff, with small gems sticking out at random intervals. It was truly _his_.

Jake offhandedly checks Dirk out, he was a very nice looking god, before pointing outward with his staff. He rips open a tear in the space before them, a portal forming from it. White energy wrapped out from it, reaching out towards them.

“Shall we?” Jake asks, offering his hand to Dirk.

“Why not.” He takes his hand, and is pulled into the white tendrils. 

When reality fixes itself, seriously why did Jake’s portals always feel like reality breaks and fixes itself, Dirk finds them both standing atop a hill overlooking a forest. Jake sits down, patting the ground beside him for Dirk to join him. Dirk rolls his eyes, but settles with him, setting his staff down beside him as Jake did likewise. 

“Where are we Jake?”

“Ah, but what is the big question. Where are we, or when are we?” Jake shoots back, grinning as he gestured to the forest. “This is nowhere at the moment, just a hill with a lovely view. But soon, this will be somewhere.”

Dirk lowers his shades, raising an eyebrow at Jake. “Mhm. I pretty sure that’s how these things work English. A place is nowhere until it becomes somewhere.”

“Isn’t that the best part though?!” Jake look to his companion. “The exploration, the discovery? Why, I find myself growing jealous of humans. As gods, we can’t do these things. It would be an abuse of our power, or something along those lines. But them?” 

Jake waves his hand and Dirk watches as days pass, and the forest slowly turns into a house, a town, a city, growing and growing until they stare at a kingdom, raised high above the tree-line. 

“They can build, establish, and raise up these homes and buildings without a second thought. Civilizations rise and fall, but the beginnings are where they are special.” Dirk could have sworn there were sparkles in Jake’s eyes. “And all this stems from an idea. Wars and battles build up a kingdom's character, spats creating partnerships, and in the end…”

They look onward as time slows back to a regular pace, the kingdom now fully complete. It was a glorious sight to behold, towers reaching up into the sky, roofs and walls each adding a new color to the mix...

“Humans can create masterpieces.” Dirk mutters, marveling in the image for a moment.

“Exactly. Everything has a time Dirk, and humans will come and go. But most things are like that.” Jake closes his eyes. “Except for us. And it becomes easy for us to get caught up in our immortality and forget that they all live on a timer. However, they use their time in this realm in an impressive manor.”

Dirk looks at Jake, and smiles softly. “I never took you for a moral of the story wise old sage, Jake.” 

Jake peeks at him through one eye, then hits his arm. Both laugh softly, smiling. “Oh hush.”

They sit in silence for quite some time after that, just watching the kingdom and listening to the fauna around them. It was absolutely perfect for Dirk. No talking, no activity, just existing together. Part of him wished they could do this for eternity.

Technically they could. But why would Jake ever want to spend that long of a time with him? They were opposites. Jake was all about the energy and exploration of life and nature. Dirk was… Death. He had to make sure the things Jake thrived on met their end. He was, quite literally, Jake’s opposite. There was no way he’d want to stay with him. Jake is loud, lively, colorful, bursting with energy and absolutely stunning. Dirk just wasn't anything like that. He was more reserved, quiet, duller, and wasn't anything special. 

But, since Jake stuck around this long, maybe he’d want to.

Or he’d freak out at Dirk and Dirk would lose him.

Might as well take the risk though. After all, he’d rather have something happen than be stuck in this never ending friend zone for another millenia.

“Hey, Jake, I have a small question.” Dirk prods carefully as he stares ahead.

“What is it chap?” 

“Well, we’ve been friends for awhile now, and I was wondering if you’d maybe,” Dirk takes a deep breath. Why was this so hard to say. He’d bested monsters with harder questions. “If you’d, uh.” Shit he was fumbling. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Jake was going to laugh at him, he was ruined, he-

“Yes.”

Dirk looks at Jake, and meets the emerald gaze. Jake had been staring at him, no, admiring him. He didn’t need to say anymore. Jake knew. Jake reaches over and places his hand over Dirk’s own.

“Yes?”

“Well, you were going to ask if we could take it further, correct? Become official?” Jake asks, that dorky look on his face. 

“Yeah, How did you know I was going to ask that though?” Dirk questions, a smile slipping onto his face. 

“Simple.” Jake responds staring up at the sky. “Your eyes had that sparkle in them whenever you first asked to be my friend.” Dirk blinks, then just starts laughing, full on cackling. Jake turns to look at him, confused. “Everything okay there, Strider?”

Dirk takes his shades off and wipes an actual tear away from his eye. “Jacob, that is the cheesiest thing you have ever said to me.” Jake pushes Dirk’s arm.

“Oh screw off, Strider!” They both start laughing, pushing back at each other until they are in a cute little scuffle, rolling around on the grass. They come to a stop with Dirk hovering over Jake as they catch their breath. Jake’s glasses were the slightest bit askew, and Dirk’s shade’s were long gone.

For what could have been hours, they stayed like that, staring up at each-other like there was nothing else in the universe they’d rather look at. Then, finally, Jake made a move. He cups Dirk’s face and pulls him down into a kiss.

Dirk rolls to Jake’s side, staring up at the sky as blues and reds fade into deep indigos and grays with little specks of sparkling white. Jake’s hand grabs Dirk’s, winding them together. 

“Hey Dirk?”

“Yeah Jake?”

“Thank you for not liking humans earlier.”

“... Of course Jake.”


End file.
